Love Bombing vs. Genuine Affection: How to tell the difference
A note on language: The use of the word bombing can be harmful. Follow the lead of survivors in using the terms they feel comfortable with.
It's fairly common for people to become swept away by a new relationship. However, when we’re in a relationship, how do we know if the love we are receiving is genuine or if we are being "love bombed"?
Let’s start at the beginning. What is “love bombing”?
Love bombing as defined by Psychology Today is “an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection”.1 In other words, love bombing is when someone overwhelms their partner with an excessive amount of attention and affection. Love bombing commonly occurs in the early stages of a relationship. To many, love bombing may not seem as bad. I mean, who wouldn't want to feel wanted, special, and adored? However, love bombing is dangerous as it doesn’t focus on building a real connection. In fact, it’s a manipulative tactic that is used to gain control and cause someone to grow dependent on one’s affection.
Some examples of love bombing include:
- Excessive Compliments: It feels like they’re always telling you how amazing you are, how you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them. Although compliments are a part of any healthy relationship, love bombing takes it to an extreme, making you feel overwhelmed. Furthermore, by being excessive in their compliments may make one feel that they “owe” the love bomber, which then becomes dangerous.
- Fast-moving Relationship/Expressing Intense Feelings Quickly: They rush the relationship, talking about things such as marriage or living together after just a few dates. It can feel like they're pushing you to move faster than you're comfortable with.
- Constant Need for Attention/Communication & Guilt Tripping: If you don’t reply quickly or aren’t as enthusiastic, they might guilt-trip you or get upset. It’s all about keeping you hooked and under their control.
In more severe version love bombing can even further develop into more dangerous forms2:
- Jealousy and Possessiveness: In a love bombing scenario, jealousy and possessiveness are used as tools to manipulate and control. The person might act overly protective or insecure, using excessive jealousy to claim that they care so much about you.
- Isolating the Other Person: Love bombing can also involve isolating you from your friends, family, or other support systems. The person may make you feel like their love and attention are all you need, pushing you to cut off other relationships.
Now, you may wonder what genuine love and affection look like? How can one tell the difference between love-bombing? Well, genuine affection really focuses on building a healthy, supportive, and balanced connection with your partner. In your relationship, you won't feel overwhelmed with attention or feel trapped with all the affection you receive. Your partner will respect your boundaries, and your relationship will grow naturally over time rather than be rushed. More specifically, you both take time to build your connection slowly and don't feel pressured to define your relationship instantly or rush into serious commitments. Finally, your conversations feel meaningful, it’s not about receiving constant praise but showing interest in each other as a person.
Altogether, no one deserves to be manipulated or overwhelmed in a relationship. As a result, it’s important to be aware of the signs of love bombing so you can protect your emotional well-being and recognize when you may be at risk of being in an unhealthy relationship.
- Archer, D. (2017, March 6). The danger of manipulative love-bombing in a relationship. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201703/the-danger-of-manipulative-love-bombing-in-a-relationship
- Love bombing: Meaning and examples. Attachment Project. (2023, August 23). https://www.attachmentproject.com/love/love-bombing/
