"I Can Fix Them!" No, You Cannot!
I think we’ve all seen it before, whether it be social media, movies, or TV Shows. That is, the “bad boy” or “troubled girl” captures the heart of someone who believes they can “fix” them. More specifically, we see how characters use the ideas of love, patience, and effort to transform some toxic traits into something healthy. This mindset even has been moving into social media. Specifically, we’ve heard and seen comments, “They’re toxic but attractive. I can fix them!”. Although it may seem to work out in most storylines. This is indeed not the reality! Instead, there often is no happily ever after and rather it’s more disappointment, frustration, and just heartbreak.
For starters, let’s speak about the reality behind “fixing” someone. When you are in a relationship, you’re supposed to grow with your partner. Your partner is also supposed to bring out the best in you and vice versa. If this is not the case and you’re instead trying to fix someone constantly, you’re setting yourself for a relationship that is based on expectations that may disappoint you. Specifically, people don’t change because we want them to. Change comes from within and requires self-awareness, personal growth, and the willingness to take responsibility for one’s own actions. Therefore, you cannot just simply wish into existence and love someone into changing for the better.
Another point to consider is this toxic cycle you will enter with a “fixer” mentality. For example, you may find yourself sacrificing your own happiness or having hope in something that may not happen. You'll invest so much time, energy, and emotion, to most likely end up realizing your partner won't change their toxic habits. No matter how "hot" or "charming" they are, their issues are theirs to deal with, and you can’t fix them unless they’re willing to fix themselves. Thus, you have to remember you are not responsible for someone else's growth.
Bringing these two points together, we must speak on the topic of understanding self-worth. Instead of pouring all your energy into someone else’s problem, you should transfer this to your own personal self-growth and well-being. To do so, you could ask yourself “do you feel valued? Are you growing in this relationship or are you stuck trying to save them?”. Ultimately, it’s okay to have compassion for someone. But you should never lose sight of your own worth and needs in the process. Therefore, next time you find yourself saying, "I can fix them," remember that you deserve more than a project.
