Gaslighting 101: What It Is and How to Recognize It

Have you ever felt like someone was twisting your words or making you doubt your own memory? This is usually known as gaslighting. More specifically, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that drives someone to doubt and question oneself, as if they were going insane.

Gaslighting is extremely dangerous. When an abuser gaslights, they hold so much power that they can make you feel confused, anxious, and insecure. Even more dangerous, as time passes, this manipulation can lead you to second-guess yourself and rely on the gaslighter to tell you what is "real”.¹ This, therefore, is how they maintain control and convince the victim to stay in an abusive relationship.¹

FORMS OF GASLIGHTING¹

Some forms of gaslighting include: withholding, countering, blocking/diverting, trivializing, and forgetting/denial.

Withholding: The gaslighter refuses to engage in a conversation or acknowledge your feelings. They might say:

• "I don’t have time for this."
• "I don’t know what you’re talking about."
• "You’re making things up."

Countering: The gaslighter questions your memory, making you doubt yourself. They might say:

• "That’s not how it happened."
• "You always remember things wrong."
• "Are you sure? That doesn’t sound right."

Blocking/Diverting: They change the subject or accuse you of something unrelated to avoid accountability. They might say:

• "Why are you always so negative?"
• "You’re just trying to start a fight."
• "Let’s not talk about that right now."

Trivializing: They make your feelings seem unimportant or over-the-top. They might say:

• "You’re overreacting."
• "It’s not that big of a deal."
• "You’re so sensitive."

Forgetting/Denial: They pretend to forget things or deny past events to make you question reality. They might say:

• "That never happened."
• "I never said that."
• "You must be imagining things."

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM GASLIGHTING

 Being in an unhealthy relationship, particularly one that involves gaslighting, is not always simple to leave. However, these suggestions below can help you take small steps towards recognizing whether you're in a relationship that's abusive.

• Trust your gut: If something feels off, don’t ignore it!
• Keep records: Write down conversations or take screenshots if needed
• Talk to someone: A trusted friend, therapist, or mentor can help you see things clearly and from a different point of view
• Set boundaries: You don’t have to engage with someone who constantly manipulates you. And if you feel trapped, do your best to seek out support! You deserve to be in a healthy relationship and not an unhealthy one

Citations

1. What is gaslighting?. The Hotline. (2023, July 4). https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/