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Are you concerned about someone you think is abusive to his partner, but don’t know what to do? Here we discuss how you can talk to abusive men about their behaviour and describe the warning signs.
You may suspect abuse is happening to a neighbour, friend or family member, but do not know what to do or how to talk about it. You may worry about making the situation worse. By understanding the warning signs and risk factors of woman abuse, you can help. If you recognize some of these warning signs, it may be time to take action:
Sometimes people around an abusive man overlook his behaviour and only focus on supporting the abused woman. At other times, people may sympathize with the abusive man, which may inadvertently escalate his abuse.
Talking to an abusive man is an important part of preventing woman abuse, but it needs to be done carefully. Abusive behaviour won’t go away on its own. There are services to help him in his community.
Here is what you can do when you recognize the warning signs of abuse:
• Choose the right time and place to have a full discussion.
• Approach him when he is calm.
• Be direct and clear about what you have seen.
• Tell him that his behaviour is his responsibility. Avoid making judgmental comments about him as a person. Don’t validate his attempt to blame others for his behaviour.
• Inform him that his behaviour needs to stop.
• Don’t try to force him to change or to seek help. Tell him that you are concerned for the safety ofhis partner and children.
• Never argue with him about his abusiveactions. Recognize that confrontational,argumentative approaches may make the
situation worse and put her at higher risk.
• Call the police if the woman’s safety is in jeopardy.
If he denies the abuse:
• Men who are abusive will often minimize theimpact and deny that they have done anythingwrong. They may state that it isn’t that bad orblame the victim for their actions. This type ofbehaviour deflects his own responsibility for hisactions.
• Keep your conversation focused on yourconcerns for his family’s safety and well-beingand reiterate that abuse is never an answer.
• Keep the lines of communication open and look for opportunities to help him find support.
Always keep yourself safe. Don’t get in the middle of an assault. Call the police in an emergency.
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